Melissa Martin - Boldly Courageous

The Light & Dark Side of Jealousy

Hey, beautiful! Welcome back to Boldly Courageous, a podcast created for you — the ambitious woman who is ready to take action and step fully into the life you’ve always dreamed of. I’m so grateful you decided to spend time reading this episode today — thank you for being part of this amazing journey!

I’ve been traveling nonstop for the past three weeks, and it’s been so wonderful, but I’m also so happy to be back in my own home. I spent time on the beach in Mexico, glamping in Arizona, and seeing family in New York. It was a complete whirlwind, but I am feeling really recharged and regenerated. I’m excited about everything that is to come — especially for the 66+ women who have already enrolled in Ignite Academy! I’m getting text messages from them every single day on the breakthroughs that they’re having. Seriously, it’s so inspirational!! 

If you haven’t joined Ignite Academy, you still can! Listeners to this podcast can use the code “ignite” and get $200 off your enrollment. If that’s just out of reach for you right now, just stay tuned because I have something awesome that I’m creating for you. I’ll be announcing something new I’ve been working on just in time for Black Friday…or Cyber Monday…or Small Business Saturday…one of those! 

Today, I want to talk to you about a question I was asked last week when I was a guest coach at one of my friend’s programs. Someone asked me, “At what point did you start sharing your voice?” 

I had to pause for a second and really feel into what she was asking me. The first thing that came up when I considered her question was this idea of jealousy. Like money, I believe that jealousy is an amplifier for underlying energy — it has the potential to bring out the light and dark in all of us, depending upon how we act upon it. 

When I considered this question, the answer was a little complicated. I want to share with you how you can leverage jealousy from a light perspective to make your dreams come to fruition because that’s what I did to find my voice! 

Our Light and Shadow Sides

If you have listened to this podcast before, you’ve heard my guests and me talk about our light and shadow selves. We all have a higher version of us, and that version has a light side and a shadow side. 

The shadow within us is basically the negative parts of ourselves that we don’t like to acknowledge. It manifests in our behavior as woundedness, passive aggression, fear, imposter syndrome, and yes — jealousy. The shadow side comes through as self-sabotaging behaviors. 

We all have light and dark parts within us; this is what makes us human! As you think about jealousy, though, I want you to try to avoid letting your shadow self take control. Here’s what I mean by that: 

What Are You Longing For? 

When I sat down and started to think about this question, “How did I find my voice and start sharing it?” I realized that for me, I got to a point where I was just tired of watching other people live the dreams I had for myself. I wasn’t talking about these dreams with anyone, or sharing them outloud — I wasn’t taking any action. 

How often does this happen to you? You get an idea, a soul-hit of something that you’re longing for. Maybe you think, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I wrote a book?” Maybe you see someone run a marathon, and your heart starts yearning to finish a marathon too. How often do you have a dream, an idea, a goal that never comes to fruition? 

Those “someday things” start to eat at you after a while — and maybe you see other people take action towards the thing that you want to do. For example, I knew I wanted to start a podcast. Other people around me were starting to do that. They were living out MY vision board. My reaction was to think, “That sucks that she’s doing that thing — that’s something that I really wanted to do.” I started to feel jealous of people who were taking action to pursue goals that I held secretly inside myself. 

That was a wake-up call for me. That feeling of jealousy told me that I had a choice. If I didn’t start living my dreams, I would have to sit back and watch everyone else live them instead. I’ll be honest with you babe — that sucked. I did not want to sit back and watch my dream life be played out by somebody else while I was sitting stuck in the same existence.

How Jealousy Is Like Money

Sis, I know that jealousy is one of the seven cardinal sins. It can definitely be viewed as a very ugly trait. But, I think jealousy has a similar vibration to money — it’s an energy that can magnify underlying energies. 

Some people believe money is the root of all evil — you’ve heard that saying, right? I believe that money is more of a magnifier of underlying energy and intention. If you’re someone who is greedy or selfish, then putting more money into your energy field will amplify your inflated ego. But, are you someone who loves to give back, who believes in service first, and who genuinely wants to change the conversations and create impact? If so, then the more money you have, the greater impact you can make, right? 

Money, by itself, doesn’t necessarily lead to bad things. I think jealousy works in a similar way. Imagine that a friend of yours starts a podcast. There’s a jealous part of you that thinks, “Oh wow, she’s sharing her voice and her truth, and people are loving it. I wish I was like that.” 

Maybe you never told anybody that you wanted to start a podcast. Now that your friend has done it, you’re afraid that others will judge you for “copying” her. This is your opportunity to move into one of two energies. You can spiral into the light side of jealousy or you can spiral into the dark side of jealousy. 

The light side of jealousy recognizes that a friend creating her podcast would not trigger you this way if it wasn’t meant to be your destiny. You wouldn’t feel jealous if it wasn’t something your soul was yearning for, right?  

Jealousy can actually be a really powerful motivator for you to say, “This is triggering me for a reason. Where am I not taking action towards using my voice?” Maybe it means you start a podcast, write a blog, create a YouTube channel, or do Facebook Live events every day. However you decide to act, the point is that you’re allowing that jealousy to uncover a deep desire that your soul is craving and to lead you down a path of action. 

Avoid the Dark Side of Jealousy

As amazing as the light side of jealousy can be, beware of the trap of falling into the darker spiral of jealousy. It’s so easy to fall into the judgment spiral and let negativity take over. 

This is where you need to watch out for your shadow side. If you start noticing that in conversations with others you are secretly angry with a friend who is living your dream, that’s a sign that your shadow side is coming out. Gossip and judgment are low vibration energies that happen a lot — we’re all guilty of them. 

Imagine that instead of shit-talking someone, you take action and go towards your dream. What’s your biggest fear? It might be fear of failure, but it could also be fear of judgment. It’s common to be afraid that people around you won’t support you or that they will talk negatively about you behind your back.

This shadow jealousy puts us immediately into a space of disempowerment. We get stuck in a space of low vibration that does not actually support our own dreams. We self-sabotage. 

Remember, jealousy is just magnifying our underlying energy. I’ve gone for my dreams and done stuff that scares me. I’ve had “friends” judge me, talk about me negatively, and spread gossip about me. But I’ve also had the opposite happen: I’ve had women in my life cheer me on and tell me how much I inspire them.

When I recognize jealousy today, it’s a powerful mirror to me to ask myself, “Where am I not living into my full potential? What is my soul trying to tell me?”

My Invitation to You…

I’ll be real with you babe, I still struggle with staying on the light side of jealousy. I’m starting to open my heart to finding a partner, and when I see other relationships, my instinct is to pass judgment. I have to pull myself out of that spiral real quick! 

My invitation to you today is to try to become more aware of how you’re expressing jealousy. When I go back to that original question, “How did you find your voice?”, I think I became aware that my jealousy was showing up and leading me toward taking an action. I let my jealousy guide me out of being stuck and toward the thing that makes me happy. 

YOU have the power to create your entire reality. Bring awareness to your thoughts. Utilize jealousy as a powerful tool to take you to action from a place of empowerment. So many things will start to shift for you — I promise! 

I am so grateful to you for listening to my story, and I hope it brought you a little extra inspiration.  Give this episode a listen and share it with someone you know needs to hear it. And don’t forget to check out Ignite Academy! You can still get a spot!
Let me know what your greatest takeaways are on Instagram and tag me @themelissamartin! Go out there and live your boldly courageous life. I love you all.

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My name is Melissa Martin, and I’m here to be your wing woman as you gain the tools and confidence to face your fears head on.

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