Hi sister! Welcome back to Boldly Courageous. I’m so glad you’re joining me today because this episode is truly something special, and I think it’s one we all need to hear.
Let’s face it: Sex is hard to talk about. There’s so much awkwardness, shame, fear, and uncertainty, and that means many of us have a lot of questions and insecurities without a space to talk about them. My guest today is on a mission to change that.
Haley Helveston is an Atlanta-based Sex and Relationship coach, and she’s excellent at what she does. A lot of other sex advisors I’ve met make the conversation awkward, but Haley is so good at making everyone feel comfortable, confident, and welcome.
She’s an expert at all things sex and wellness. As someone who’s been mainly ignoring her sexuality for the last few years, I know I need Haley’s wisdom! And the truth is, I’m not the only one. Haley shared with me that something like one in three women experiences some kind of sexual trauma. We need sexual healing, and Haley is the perfect person to provide it.
In our conversation, we talk about so many ways we can connect to our bodies and grow in our confidence. We discuss the importance of consent and how you can have more productive conversations with your partner. We also discuss the power of the divine feminine and how we can get in touch with our feminine energy to receive sexual pleasure.
We talk about how growing in sexual confidence positively impacts the rest of your life, and we talk about the importance of readying yourself to receive all kinds of positive energy. This conversation is powerful and inspirational, and I can’t wait to get into it. Let’s go!
Who Is Haley Helveston?
Haley Helveston is a Sacred Sexuality and Religion coach. She is passionate about helping women deepen their connections with themselves and experience thriving romantic relationships as a result. As such, she coaches clients one-on-one via Zoom and hosts in-person workshops.
Haley is also the host of the podcast Your Guide to Love. There, she shares her wisdom on subjects ranging from healing your relationship with masculine energy to breathwork to the many types of orgasms you can have. She interviews fascinating and brilliant people on all topics related to sex and sexuality, and she’s teaching women to own their sexual power. I highly recommend checking it out!
But Haley’s had a long journey to become the sex expert that she is now. At one point in her life, she worked as a holistic health coach, took medication for her mental health problems, and found herself literally incapable of having an orgasm. She decided to take her sexual healing into her own hands, and that led her to a sexual retreat in Costa Rice. She dove headfirst into studying sexuality and spirituality, and after that, made the decision to become a sex and relationship coach.
Since then, Haley has helped so many women heal from their past sexual wounds. She literally heals women generations before her, and I’m sure she’ll heal generations after her too. Haley has a genuine light that I think the whole world needs to see! Let’s get started!
Consent and Sex: The Importance of a “Full-Body Yes”
Recently I made an episode about the importance of giving consent in your life. It is absolutely essential that in anything you do — whether in business or in a relationship — you give full consent. You have to have a full understanding of what the expectations are, and you have to feel positive and confident fully committing to whatever choices you make. I love the way Haley explains this:
“I need to just keep saying this over and over again, … It’s a full-body “F yes!” or “F no!” … Like if it’s in the middle of [sex], [and] it’s a no for me all of a sudden, I stop. Literally, even if it’s during it, because I’m like, ‘Oh my God, my body is saying ‘no.’ Now I’m going to listen to that.”Haley Helveston
In any sexual experience, consent is essential. You have to give full consent before having sex with someone, so listen to what your body is telling you. Pay attention to its signals. If you feel loose, open, and relaxed, that’s a yes. You can give consent and experience sexual pleasure. But if you feel tight and closed off, you are not able to receive pleasure, and that sexual experience will not be enjoyable for you. If that happens, it’s time to say “no!”
But how do you really have that conversation with your partner? It can be extremely hard to tell your partner you don’t want to have sex — both people often end up feeling shame, anger, or resentment, and relationships can break under that weight. How can we have honest conversations about consent?
“There’s no room for ego in bed. … I think that that’s what really messes up men. … So that’s the first thing I would say, and the second thing I would say is that if all of a sudden during sex if your partner, your wife, girlfriend, whatever, that’s a ‘no’ for her, she should be able to say that.”Haley Helveston
I love that! “There’s no room for ego in bed.” And it’s true. Make sure you have a conversation with your partner before having any sexual encounters and establish that there will be no ego in your sex life. If you can be honest and respectful with each other, you’re guaranteed to have more pleasurable sex!
Connecting to Your Divine Feminine Power
One of the other things I was most excited to talk to Haley about was this: How can we build a deeper connection with our feminine power? We all have divine feminine energy inside of us, but too often, we’re not in touch with it. That’s what causes us to feel closed off and unable to receive sexual pleasure. So how can we improve that connection?
“It’s really about developing such a strong, intimate relationship with your body that you learn, ‘Oh, okay, I don’t feel safe here. How do I get safe?’ … We as women need to develop a healthy relationship with our nervous systems, meaning you have to get out of fight-or-flight, get into a more relaxed state, [and] calm your mind. Then you’re able to go, ‘Okay, what’s going on here for me?’”Haley Helveston
Getting in touch with your divine feminine is all about feeling safe. What makes you feel safe? This could be as simple as sitting still, quieting your mind, and meditating for a few minutes. It could be taking a walk or relaxing with some essential oils. All those things are great, but to really connect with the divine feminine inside you, connecting with Mother Earth is incredible. After all, Mother Earth is the ultimate mama! I never feel more in tune with my divine feminine energy than when I’m swimming naked in a pool, rolling around in the sand, or hiking in the mountains.
The essential thing here is just to pay attention to what your body is telling you. If that means taking a few minutes to calm down and really hone in your attention on how you feel, do that! It’s so worth it. Your body will thank you, and you’ll experience so much more pleasure when you do have sexual experiences.
And remember, if you need tools to get better in touch with your body, there are plenty out there! I recently purchased a yoni wand, but there are also crystal wands, yoni eggs, and tons of other tools you can use to develop a relationship with your body and sexuality.
Why Is Sexual Healing Important?
We’ve talked through so much great wisdom today, but you may still be wondering why any of this matters. I was! I’m an empowered woman who has seen a lot of success in her life in recent years, even though I haven’t been dating, and I’ve ignored my sexuality. How does healing sexually positively impact our lives?
According to Haley, the effects are huge. Getting better connected to our bodies and our sexual needs helps us to become more empowered, confident women.
“It impacts everything. … This has impacted other areas in terms of me being more confident. It’s impacted [other] areas in terms of just questioning how much we don’t know. … There’s always another level. … There’s [a] limitless amount of pleasure and joy that you can experience.”Haley Helveston
It’s true! There is a limitless amount of pleasure and joy that you can experience and receive. And the really cool thing about that is that your ability to receive translates directly to your ability to be a money magnet and attract financial abundance, too.
“Of course that translates over to money because I had a woman, she said, ‘I hate sex, and I hate money.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, it’s okay. We’ve all been there.’”Haley Helveston
Do you struggle to attract money? Do you feel closed off to financial abundance? That could be an indicator that you need some sexual healing in your life. Work toward becoming more in-tune with your body and opening yourself up to receive both pleasure and money, and you will become a magnet for all types of joy and abundance.
Be Boldly Courageous with Haley Helveston
Haley has one more fantastic quote that I think sums up everything we’ve talked about today:
“Who you are in bed is who you are in life.”Haley Helveston
Let’s think about that for a minute. If you’re uncomfortable in bed, if you lack confidence, if you don’t stand up for yourself and your needs, you’re probably bringing the same energy into the rest of your life. If you’re closed off or continuing to have sex even when you can’t consent with a full-body “yes,” it’s likely you’re consenting to other things without giving them your “yes,” too.
But if you can set aside your ego, get in tune with your body, and communicate your needs in the bedroom, then chances are you can do those things in the rest of your life. If you’re confident sexually, you’ll naturally be confident in your business, in your other relationships, with your finances, and in every other area of your life.
Babe, your sexual healing is important. I want to encourage you to make it a priority. Take some time — even today! — to get in touch with your body, grow in your understanding of your needs, and open yourself up to receive the pleasure you deserve.
If you still have questions or you just want to talk more about this topic, Haley would love to meet with you! Remember, she does one-on-one coaching sessions with clients — If you’re interested, check out her website and book a call to learn more about her coaching program.
And if you loved this episode as much as I did, please share it with your friends on Instagram! Post a screenshot and make sure to tag Haley, @haley.helveston, and me, @themelissamartin. Tell us your favorite takeaways from the episode — We’d love to hear what you learned and celebrate with you! And if you can spare a minute, please leave me a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Your positive ratings really do help this show reach a wider audience!
Until next time, keep living your boldly courageous life, babe! I’ll talk to you later!