Melissa Martin - Boldly Courageous

OMG If I Get One More ‘Hey Girl’ Message

Hi beautiful! Boldly Courageous is a podcast created for you — the ambitious woman who is ready to take action and step fully into the life you’ve always dreamed of. Welcome back!

I’m so excited and grateful that you are here with me today. I know you have so many choices when it comes to the podcasts that could listen to and the content you could consume. Truly from my heart to yours, it is just a blessing to have you here.

Today I want to talk about “Hey girl” messages. We’ve all gotten them — I get them all the time. DMs that say, “Hey,” “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hey girl, how you doing?” 99% of the time, these messages are from network marketers. 

I think there is a stigma that a lot of these network marketing messages are just a copy and paste job — there’s really no true desire for connection. The perceived goal of messages like this is that it’s all about making a quick buck. I want to sell you something. There’s no authenticity. Unfortunately, sometimes there is some truth to that, right? 

I also know from a network marketer’s perspective, that’s not always the case. Today, I’m speaking to two different people — the person who is on the receiving end of a “Hey girl” message and those of you who are in network marketing and may be sending those types of messages. If you’re a network marketer, I’m going to give you some tools to help you actually get people to respond to your DMs! 

Everybody Starts Somewhere

To the person on the receiving end of these messages, who is getting frustrated — I hear you. I also challenge you to remember back to a time when you were a beginner at something and you made mistakes. The art of building confidence is taking messy action. When we receive messages like this, I think it’s easy to forget that at some point in time, we were once a beginner too.

If you were to go back and look at your first-ever video or your very first social media posts, you would probably cringe. I’m sure other people cringed too. Before you go and cringe at someone’s “Hey girl” message and judge them, just remember that they’re starting somewhere. Give them a little bit of grace and understand that they are probably brand new to network marketing. 

Secondly, it’s likely that you’ve been on their list of people that they want to talk to either about their products or the business opportunity for quite some time. They are sending a message despite a massive fear of judgment and fear of rejection — two things can terrify any human. Fears of judgment and rejection are what keep most of us stuck in the first place, right? In spite of those fears, this person has a vision, they’re taking action, and they’re brand fucking new. They don’t know what they’re doing.  They’re sending you a message in the hope that you will actually read their message and respond. That’s the kind of boldly courageous action I love to see. You should be flattered that they actually thought of you and they wanted to share something with you. 

Remember babe, this person looking at you in one of two ways. They’re either seeing you as somebody who they admire, respect, and someone with whom they would actually want to do business. Or, they’re looking at you as someone who they genuinely want to help and want to serve. They have this desire to solve a problem in your life and a genuine want to connect and build a relationship. 

As network marketers, they are looking at an entire audience or demographic. Of all those people, they’re thinking they want to invest their time in you. That person is sitting there saying, I want to start a conversation with you. I would like to help you move further away from pain and closer to pleasure — whether that’s having more time, freedom with your family, more financial freedom, losing weight, feeling good, having energy, better skin, great hair, awesome makeup, essential oils, whatever it is. 

So, before you get all frustrated and huffy about the “Hey girl” message, recognize that first of all, this person is a beginner; second of all, they actually think that you are someone of value to whom they would like to offer a service! Babe, it’s all about perspective. 

Make Your Purchases Count

The last thing I want to say to people who receive “Hey girl” DMs, is that remember this person is a small business owner. Network marketing takes a lot of effort! No, technically you don’t own a product or distribution, but I’ve always thought of network marketing as entrepreneurship with training wheels. This message could be from someone who ends up owning a massive business in five years. Because you supported their small business, you’re helping them have success.

We all have choices when it comes to how we use our money and our buying power. I know for me personally, I get the warm and fuzzies when I support a friend in their business. I believe that what I put out in the world comes back to me. If I want other people to support my business, you better believe that I’m going to support theirs. 

When you purchase from a network marketer, not only are you buying the product, but you are also buying a relationship — you’re buying support and you’re buying the potential opportunity to earn money for yourself. If the product is something you like, why not share it with others? I think these “annoying” DMs are actually an opportunity for you to look at how you are using your money and who you’re supporting with it. 

Ask yourself: who do you want to support? Do you want your purchasing dollars to go back to someone that you actually know? Does it feel good to make a difference in their life? Or, do you want to continue paying money to some big corporation where you have no idea of the impact that money is making?

I want to be part of someone’s good vibrations and know that I contributed to their abundance  — that’s going to come back to me, tenfold. Go out there and support a small business owner!

Where Am I Not Being Brave?

Here’s my invitation to you: ask yourself, “why does this message bother me so much?” Why does it bother you so much that a network marketer is reaching out to you? Is there a place in your life right now where you are not actually taking action? Is there something about this person reaching out to you that is causing you to look at where you are being small, where you aren’t being brave?

Do the work and really ask yourself, “Where am I not taking a risk? Where am I not putting myself out there?” What would it look like for you to put yourself in their shoes? If you were in their position, what would you do differently? This is something that I know for me, personally, when I’m on the receiving end of a “Hey girl” message, I cringe and I’m like, “Oh man, this person is probably new.” I have to remind myself that this person is taking boldly courageous action –– and that is something we should absolutely be celebrating! 

I remember when I started network marketing in 2012. It is not like it is today, back then — you did not have influencer marketing, swipe up CTAs, sales funnels, and everything else we use on social media today. The old way of doing things, like copying and pasting messages and spamming people, is not what’s going to work today. Literally everyone is trying to sell something.

We are bombarded with advertisements all the time. With the introduction of influencer marketing, if you have an audience and you’re known for something, you can align yourself with any company that you want. That’s the first thing I’ll say to my network marketers  –– times have changed!

Go Beyond “Hey Girl”

For all my amazing network marketers –– let me tell you something. “Hey girl” messages are not where it’s at, but I get you.

Here are a couple of things that I want to share with my network marketers. If you are brand new or you’re feeling stuck and you’re sending “Hey girl” messages, these are some ways you can shift your perspective and actually get the results that you’re looking for when you’re sliding into a stranger’s DMs.

First, you must connect and establish a relationship. Use the person’s name in your message to them. Real talk — I get so many messages in my DMS from brands, companies, podcasts, editors, brand managers, all day long, trying to pitch me on their stuff because I’m their ideal client. They will say, “Hey, nice profile” or “yo what’s up” or even just “hi.” They literally don’t use my name. That makes me think it’s either from a bot, or that they’re spamming me and just copy-pasting, and it’s not a real person. I don’t feel like they’re trying to connect and establish a relationship with me. 

If you want to truly stand out above all the others, just use the person’s name. That’s step one. If somebody DMs me and they actually use my name, nine times out of ten, I will actually respond.

Next, what is something that you can acknowledge about the other person that will create a connection point between the two of you? This is where you start to take the relationship a little bit deeper. 

That connection point needs to be a little deeper than just, “Hi Melissa. I just came across your profile. And I really love everything that you share.” That’s generic. How about you say something like, “Hi Melissa, I just came across your Instagram profile and that Facebook or that Instagram post that you made about confidence really resonated with me because I am working through some really challenging stuff.” Big difference, right?

What you’re doing is validating the content I’m putting out there. You’re telling me that what I have to say is valuable and that you connected with it. That immediately puts me in a position of being open to receive. 

From there, I like to ask a question that does not have anything to do with my business. Whatever the connection point is, ask them a question to continue the conversation. Remember that you are actually interviewing this person to see, first, if you have a solution to a problem that they might have, and second, if they would even be a good fit for your business.

Relationship building is a long-term play, especially in DMs, and especially with someone who you don’t know. I know when it comes to network marketing, there’s this whole concept of build fast –– but I call bullshit on that. I don’t think that that’s the right mindset to have. Yes, obviously you want to build with intention. However, if you are not at a leadership level where you can sustain the growth that you have, you will end up with a lot of disgruntled people who feel like they don’t get the attention that they need. Take time to build trust with people; trust is not built over one DM — it takes time.

And please, for the love of all things, do not copy and paste. If you do have to copy and paste, use it as an outline and tweak your message so that it’s more personalized. 

I want to share an example of what it looks like to build a long-term relationship. I used to work in the health and wellness field, and I wanted to connect with people in the fitness industry. I would literally do recon research on gym owners in my area. I would check out their studios. I would look at their websites. I would check out their Facebook profiles, see what their clients were like and get a real feel for their vibe before ever deciding whether or not I wanted to try and recruit them into my business. 

Then, I would actually go and buy a package at their studio. I would become a member. I would support their business. I would get to know their clients, get to know the community, get to know them. From there, we would start to actually build a relationship.

I would never bring up anything about network marketing. The gym owner would start following me. They might see what I do. They might start asking questions, and it would naturally come up in conversation the way it would in any relationship over time. There were some gym owners that I spent six months getting to know before I ever mentioned network marketing. That’s the kind of commitment you need to have if you want to be successful at network marketing. 

Focus on the Relationship First The Business Will Follow

My biggest advice: focus on the relationship first, and the business will follow. When you are deciding whether or not to reach out to someone, ask yourself, “Do I actually want to be their friend? Is this a person that I would actually care about? If it didn’t somehow benefit me to reach out to them –– would I still do it?”

I think a lot of times we send “Hey girl” messages to people who we think we would want to recruit. But in reality, we would never want to be friends with them. That’s never going to work: imagine that you recruited somebody into your business who you don’t actually like! Now you’re responsible for helping that person build a team that does not feel good. Do not send messages to people unless you genuinely care about who they are as a person, the service they offer to the world, the value they can provide, and the friendship that you can have with them.

When it comes to “Hey girl” messages or any DM really, you need to get some feedback too. You need to reach out to a mentor or leader when you’re not getting the response that you want. That means you need to try something different. It’s really important that you ask for feedback –– which is, again, why relationships are so important.

Find Your Niche

The last thing I’ll say to my network marketers –– you’re not going to like this –– but you have to find your niche. You have to pick a lane and get into it. I know that network marketers love to help everybody. I’m sure that your shampoo or your skincare or your protein powder can help everybody. But, when you try to help everybody, you help no one. 

I did a whole podcast episode on the tools for success in network marketing and how to take ownership of your leadership. One of those tools is to have a specific skill set: sales, marketing, and talking to people are a few examples. Another tool for success is having a network and the third is being known for something.

The bottom line is this: when you find your niche and you know exactly your ideal client’s language, you know exactly the problems you solve and you know exactly the transformation that you and your product can achieve. You can be so consistent with that. The way that you show up in your messaging, the way you connect with people, and the way you reach out on your Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram are all one message. It becomes so much easier for you to build connections. 

What’s the message that you’re putting out there? What do you want to be known for? Find your niche and own it!

Why You Should Listen to This Podcast Episode Right Now

Network marketers: please, please, please stop with the “Hey girl” messages. Use somebody’s name, build a relationship, ask for feedback, niche down, and be known for something. To anyone on the receiving end of a “Hey girl” message, be patient, be kind, respond with loving compassion, have an open mind, and support small businesses. 

I hope this episode resonates. Of course, if you love it, please share it on Instagram and tag @themelissamartin! It gives me all the warm and fuzzy feelings to know that my message and this platform is creating an impact. The more we share episodes, the more the podcast grows, and the more amazing guests I can have on to give you all the tools that you need to live a boldly courageous life!

Thank you so much for reading, babe! Until next time, don’t forget to live your boldly courageous life!

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My name is Melissa Martin, and I’m here to be your wing woman as you gain the tools and confidence to face your fears head on.


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