Hi sis! I’m so glad you’re here! Welcome back to Boldly Courageous, a podcast created for you — the ambitious woman who is ready to take action and step fully into the life you’ve always dreamed of.
Today, we’re going to talk about your dream man. Maybe you’re with him now, maybe you’re single, or maybe you’re with someone who doesn’t suit your energy. I think we can all agree that finding true love isn’t a walk in the park. It’s usually a process that times time and growth. Before you can even think about finding a partner, you have to understand who YOU are and what your energy longs for.
On Episode 4, I shared my story about past relationships, transitioning out of marriage, and what I’ve learned along the way. I used to look for men who needed me — there was a lot of codependency where each person wanted the other to save them. I think we often end up dating the same people over and over again, just become we’re not aware of our relational habits. Instead, we should look for the people who want us.
Babe — it is possible to find true love. And there are simple steps we can take to better prepare ourselves for that type of relationship. I encourage you to let your mind open and embrace all the possibilities. Whatever your relationship status, this episode is for YOU! And the guest I have today is the PERFECT person to lead us through this discussion about masculine/feminine energy, online dating, and how to find true love. Her name is Shahrzad Sukra, and she is an absolutely beautiful human who embodies such a pure form of feminine energy.
Who Is Shahrzad Shukra?
Shahrzad Shukra is a global love and relationship coach, helping successful and high-achieving women attract the relationship of their dreams by connecting them to their empowered femininity and developing healthy relationship skills.
Shahrzad followed her calling and started her business in September of 2017, and through offering her wholesome love attraction teachings and methods, helped in changing 100s of her clients’ lives to have the relationship of their dreams.
Shahrzad was born and raised in Iran and moved to Canada in 1998. She is now blissfully married to the man of her dreams, whom she attracted through implementing the exact work that she teaches her clients.
And guess what — Shahrzad is giving away an amazing, FREE tool for you to find true love online! It’s a two-hour workshop about getting yourself in alignment, curating your online dating profile, and starting that connection with another person. I can’t wait to go through the workshop myself! This is an opportunity you don’t want to miss, so check that out here!
I meet Shahrzad back in January at an event, and what struck me the most about her was her energy — the energy that Shahrzad’s puts out is the Divine Feminine in its purest essence. I know you all are going to love this interview, so let’s dive in!
Overcoming That Fear of Rejection and Letting Go of Expectations
When it comes to calling in your man and receiving the love you desire, a big part of that is detaching yourself from possible rejection. There are a lot of women out there who are ready to mingle and call in their men, but they’re afraid of rejection. They don’t want to get hurt. So I ask Shahrzad what strategies she recommends for releasing the outcome. First of all, she completely understands:
“The fear is real. I totally resonate with that. And that was something that I really had to overcome. It’s interesting that the fear, whether it’s in business or in a relationship, feels the same way. It feels like … we are not going to be able to pick ourselves up if [rejection] happens.”Shahrzad Shukra
Shahrzad talked about those voices you hear in the back of your head when someone new steps into your life. If you’ve been hurt before (and most of us have), there’s probably something telling you to be careful and not to trust too quickly. This voice is trying to protect you from further hurt — it’s what our mind does when we go through something painful.
“These are the voices that are not necessarily there to mess you up, but they want to help you keep yourself safe. So are they doing a good job? No, because you can be safe and be very unhappy in your little lonely bubble … What we try to push away pushes us back. So just [acknowledge] within [yourself] that, ‘Oh, I hear these voices, and I know that they want to help me … [but] there’s a part of me that is way, way, way more, more bold [and] more courageous.”Shahrzad Shukra
Here’s the truth, babe — you have the resources and the courage you need to support yourself through a relationship journey, whether it ends or it continues. We all want to control the outcome, and we all set expectations for our lives, but this all comes from a place of fear instead of abundance. Going into a new relationship with a clear mind and open heart is the best way to set yourself up for emotional success.
“I’m really, really available to be in an intimate, soul-giving, lifetime relationship. And I’m also available for the lesson that it has to give me. I’m also available to learn whatever I need to learn. And I know if it doesn’t work out, I’m going to be okay no matter what … when you go in with that energy, it is way more likely that the person you start calling is is going to be the one.”Shahrzad Shukra
Shahrzad invites you to look at your wounds, acknowledge them, and go into the understanding that whatever the outcome, there is something to be gained. Every relationship is meant to teach us something and helps us notice the things that we personally need to work through. So before you call in your dream man, make sure you spend time releasing control and opening your heart to receive.
How to Call in Your Dream Man (and Know Who That Is Exactly)
So after we do the soul-searching, it’s time to figure out what kind of men we’re looking for. You might be tempted to make a checklist of all requirements: 6’2″, blue eyes, athlete, musician, writer, cuddler, the lists go on and on. While physical attraction is definitely important, how do we get past the superficial things and really lean into what we truly desire in a partner?
“When it comes to, um, calling the person of your dreams, I highly invite everyone to first and foremost focus on what you want to feel as opposed to what the checklist looks like. So when even when it comes to looks, does it matter that he’s six foot tall and has blue eyes? … You want to feel physically attracted to this person – Now that’s one thing … [but] let’s say that you want a person that you feel safe with or you want a person who is giving, forgiving, ambitious, family-oriented … After you do that, then think you look at this list and ask yourself for this person to be, for me to call in, who do I need to be? Who can attract this kind of man?”Shahrzad Shukra
Like Shahrzad says, focus more on what you feel than the top hottest qualities you look for a man. Maybe you want a man who will communicate openly with you, maybe you want a man who’s ambitious and goal-driven, maybe you want a man who’s a planner. After you reflect on the kind of man you’re looking for, then you need to ask yourself, “Am I open to receive that?” Because if you’re not open to receive that, then you’ll block those men from reaching you.
The Difference Between Masculine Energy and Feminine Energy
One thing you all know I LOVE talking about is masculine energies and female energies. These energies are not exclusive to man or woman, but each person continues both at differing levels. I’m a pretty dominant type of personality – you know that I love to take charge and get shit done. That means that sometimes, I have issues with letting a man lead. I feel like this is the case for a lot of women in business – they feel more like giving their time than receiving.
Shahrzad used to be a civil engineer who worked in the corporate world alongside men. The culture she worked in was primarily masculine, and while she adapted to that energy well in the workplace, it wasn’t exactly transferable to relationships. Sometimes, there can be an imbalance of energy in a relationship, so it’s essential to understand what each energy contains and how we can shift between each sphere.
“The masculine is the pursuer, the one that likes to plan, that likes to lead, that likes to protect and give to the woman. The Feminine is the receiver … we have both of them.”Shahrzad Shukra
Each person will have a predominant energy, the one that manifests itself more strongly than the other. So, some women enjoy pursuing, giving, and planning, meaning that they possess more of a masculine energy. There are also men out there who have incredible feminine energy, who love to follow your lead. Here’s what Shahrzad finds most common in the relationships she works with:
“The truth of the matter is that the majority of women love to be the ones that are cherished. They’re surprised that they’re pursued. It feels much better to them when the guy is doing the giving … So the first thing is, it’s important for you to really be honest with yourself. What is [your] predominant energy?”Shahrzad Shukra
What is your predominant energy? If you’re predominantly masculine, then it’s probably a good idea to not call in a man who is also heavily masculine. Shahrzad describes the masculine energy as a dance — if two people are trying to lead, then feet are going to get stepped on.
If you’re anything like me, maybe you’ve struggled with engaging your feminine energy and opening up your heart to receive. Maybe you don’t feel like you’re worthy to receive love, or maybe you just don’t know how to give up control. If that’s you, here’s Shahrzad’s advice:
“There was one sentence that woke me up, and it was that men fall in love by giving to you, not the other way around … So we’re not talking about a man who is toxic, and all he wants to do is take, take, take from you … a healthy masculine man is at his best when he’s the one coming towards you and giving to you and is protecting you … No man wants to compete with his woman. So ask yourself, What is stopping me from receiving?” – Shahrzad Shukra
Now, remember — this is not to say that as a woman, you shouldn’t be successful, a breadwinner, or make a lot of money. Hell no. You guys know I want you to kick ass. It’s more about how you can be supported. I encourage you today to ask yourself if you’re opening to receive. Understand the energy behind your giving and your receiving. Are you giving from a need to prove yourself or are you giving from a place of pure service? And when you’re open to receiving, it becomes this beautiful equal energy exchange. I hope this gives you permission to both give and receive in your relationships!
How to Find Your True Love Through Online Dating
To wrap up my incredible interview with Shahrzad, I wanted to talk about dating for a second, specifically online dating. During COVID-19 quarantine, a lot of people are isolated, and so they’re taking to dating apps and starting conversations online. And even though I haven’t tried online dating personally, I know that it has become a very popular option! I wanted to get Shahrzad’s opinion on whether it was possible or likely that you could call in your man through a dating app.
“[Online dating is] one of the most triggering things for a lot of women. I hear over and over [that] online dating doesn’t work … Online dating is full of weirdos and creepy, and it’s just not for me. And it’s funny when I hear that … [because] 20% of successful marriages, it’s people meeting online … I didn’t meet my husband online, but 80% of my clients have. So first and foremost is to look at the beliefs because online dating is no different than the real world … Your beliefs are going to determine the experience that you’re going to have, the kind of men that you’re going to call in.”Shahrzad Shukra
This was such an eye-opener for me. While the platform may be different, the energy work you do behind it is exactly the same. Online dating is just another tool that makes it possible for you meet your partner. And if you show up with the same excitement you show up for a first date, then you’re in great shape.
“Check in with your energy before you get on the app. I recommend to get into ‘high vibration,’ whatever that is for you … dance around the house … say some affirmations and hype yourself up so that you show up with that energy and meet amazing matches. Also, [know] that it doesn’t have to be that every single person you’re talking to is going to be the one for you. But every person on the other end is a human being, and they too are looking for love … So come from a place of compassion.”Shahrzad Shukra
I have never looked at online dating from that perspective. I’ve had this belief that it’s going to be a bunch of random dudes that just want to get laid. So I definitely have some work to do around that. I’m so thankful for Shahrzad giving me a different perspective. If you want to learn more, you should TOTALLY check out the free workshop she’s giving about online dating and getting yourself in alignment.
I hope you all enjoy this episode, and as always, please tag me (@themelissamartin) and my wonderful guest, Shahrzad Shukra (@fullyadored), on your social media with your favorite highlights! Let me know how you are opening yourself up to receive! I’m right here on this journey with you! I love you all so much!
Now get out there and call in your dream man!